By Ruby Grimes
Instagram: @rubysdreamtheory
"Sometimes we romanticize things and don’t see them in their true form. This piece is about looking back at an unhealthy attachment and feeling a mixture of anger and a longing nostalgia."
Lead me on with laced breadcrumbs
Scatter the sea salt
Wash it down with spoiled milk
I come in after the storm
My hair drips glitter onto the linoleum
Faking fake innocence
Sparkling metal shards trace my back
Icicles find the cracks in my skin
Not much happened outside my head
Tell me there’s not a lot of good in the world
Beg me over and over and over again to stay away from the bad
Take it away
Lock in it a drawer
Dangle the key in front of me
Brassy and worn now
Your fingerprints left marks
Pressed against my mouth
The metal is sweet to me
Tell me I deserve it
Insist that I’m part of the good
Tell me I deserve it one more time
Tell me I deserve it
Sitting on the rocks
You point out the fish
Tilt your head back just-so
Mouth wide open, swallowing light
Gulping like you’ve been locked inside for years
Sunlight drips obscenely out the corners of your mouth
Its rays run down your chin
Staining your skin golden
The sun blesses you
And the sun doesn’t favor sinful things
You wring out the last drops
Until my hair no longer bleeds glitter
It’s a confused color now
Somewhere between indigo and violet
Maybe it should be red
You swallow the key
Its rusted edges catch on the lining of your stomach
--Where you’re soft, vulnerable,
Embarrassingly defenseless--
And tears you to shreds
From the inside, out
Is it my own twisted fantasy?
I still feel the phantom buzzing in my back pocket
I double check
Triple check
My pockets are empty
But the things you told me are strung together with red thread
And stitched through my favorite jeans
Tell me I deserve more
Tell me I deserve better
Tell me I deserve the good in the world
This time, it’s my turn to lie
I tell you I believe you
Sunny days
My shoes stick to the pavement
Chips no longer balance on my shoulders
Yet
Deep in the bottom drawer
Of that forgotten file cabinet
Far in the back of my mind
I hear the familiar phantom buzzing
And feel it hum longingly between my skull
If I asked you to, would you tell me I deserve it just one more time?